The Marriage Conundrum

There are so many stories around marriage and so many incidences around it. But recently I came across an article about a 39 year old man who had hanged himself because he had not been able to marry. Again, it got me wondering about how important marriage is in our great Indian culture. We talk about modernism but we still stick to the old orthodox ways which press for marriage as a sure way to mate. When will it all change? We build computers and software, we launch rockets and satellites but we are still unable to launch ourselves into the future. 

There was a time when it was necessary to mate. The world was a much dangerous planet to live in. Wars and disease took away many a lives. Education and knowledge would come, but it was important to marry first. And it did make sense in that insecure and unsafe world. Everyone had to marry to reproduce. And in case they lost an offspring to disease, there would be others to carry on the legacy of the family. The old world also saw a barrage of wars. The world today though not entirely free of them, is still a safer place to reside in. There are murders but no homicides. There are robberies but no dacoits. Yes, it definitely is safer.

Whereas the rest of the world has awakened to the unnecessary implications of marriage, the Indian society is still struggling. The funny part is, the cycle of life, never stops. Once you marry, you are supposed to have children. Once you have children, you are supposed to care for their education. By the time you are done raising them, you are supposed to get them married off. This absolutely fantastic institution which should now be allowed to focus on companionship is still languishing on the throes of orthodox thinking.

Why should someone marry if he has not found the right partner? Why be forced into a marriage just because he is getting older by the day? Will the torture of peer pressure end once he is married? No, it doesn’t. And worse, is the vicious barrage of taunts and insults that one has to face if he is past the “marriage”able age and not yet into the institution.

Please understand that there is a life beyond this institution of reproduction. Please realise that there is knowledge to seek and a career to make. Please know that, marriage is not the sole purpose of life. Marriage demands commitment and dedication. And not everyone is meant to or supposed to give their everything to this institution. Many an intellectual research paper would have been lost to marriage. Many a symphony and many a painting would have been sacrificed to raising a family.

Modernity does not come from eating burgers and drinking sodas. Modernity also isn’t about computers and smartphones. It is a state of the mind which has to be developed that way. There are many who are trapped in meaningless marriages, who are afraid to get out for fear of society. Then there are others who go into hiding because of unsuccessful marriages. This whole marriage puzzle can be solved only by improving the mind set of society. It’s time we woke up to the futility of being forced into a marriage. Or this is the beginning of many more suicides to come.